One of the things I found about losing almost forty pounds, was an increase in attention from the opposite sex. It seemed as though all the people who were formally mean to me in high school or elementry school started to become nicer, compliment me, give me attention. I didn't really know how to feel about this. Sometimes I wondered if it was only because I lost weight, or if it was because I had become more secure in who I was.
Socially, growing up it was always difficult for me. My parents had divorced at a young age and I didn't really make friends easily. I was quite often an introvert and usually found myself reading and trying to stay in at recesses to help out the teacher so that I wouldn't have to face the kids in the school yard.
For awhile after I lost weight, I started to question all my new friendships and relationships. It was constantly going through my mind: "Would this person still like me if I was fat?" I don't know that I'm the only one, and I'd like to think I'm not. An example of this occurred the other day when a guy I went to elementry school added me to facebook and started chatting with me. He said something along the lines of "Wow, you actually got pretty." I was like "I was ugly before?" He then proceeded to ask me for my number and wanted me to come over to his house to "watch a movie."
This guy was one of those people who made my days in elementary school difficult. He didn't hesitate to call me names, say things behind my back, throw tennis balls at me, write mean things about me in class and then pass the notes around while everyone else laughed.
I realized then that a year ago at my heaviest, I wouldn't hesitatet to either meet up with him and show off the fabulous me and make him feel bad, or snap back with a nasty remark. Instead, when he asked me for my number, I simply said "I'm not sure that I want to waste my time with someone who spent most of elementry school trying to make kids who were different feel bad about themselves. So no thank you, I wouldn't like your number and please don't contact me again." It was short, sweet and after that I stopped talking to him.
I guess that made me realize how much this journey really has impacted me. I have gone from someone who has always been insecure, to someone who is confident, happy and ready to take over the world, and I wouldn't give that up for anything.
For anyone who is trying to lose weight, just remember that being thinner and healthier isn't the only benefit. If I had lost the weight overnight, I wouldn't have had to deal with this difficult but rewarding journey, and I won't hesitate to say that it was all worth it.
If you're feeling down, if you gained, if you feel ugly today, that doesn't have to be permanent. Give yourself a kick in the butt and get back at it. It's worth it.
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